I originally wrote this for my application to become an Ordained Ministerial Counselor at Pathways of Light. I enjoyed writing it, and recently reread it and thought I would post it here to share my journey.
Why I Would like to be an Ordained Ministerial Counselor:
I view becoming an Ordained Ministerial Counselor as a symbol of my trust in Holy Spirit. I began my journey with Pathways of Light with no intention of becoming a minister, but Spirit kept nudging me to keep going. My facilitator, Rev. Maria Felipe, suggested that I continue with the courses to grow and develop for myself, not to feel pressure to become a minister. But as I continued, I began to feel excited to share with others. Maria encouraged me to start a blog, and I had fun writing about my ups and downs in practicing. Then, I felt guided to start a life coach training program in conjunction with my ministerial training. I felt that life coach training would broaden my scope so I could relate to and support lots of people, not just those on a spiritual path.
Though this aim had my best intentions, my ego was in charge. I began to desperately want to become a minister and life coach, and imagined myself leaving my day job to do this full time. I imagined myself becoming this great teacher that people loved and spent lots of money on. I dove into this idea of “me, me, me.” At first I was energized, and worked very hard at both my training programs. When I reached Step 4 of the ministerial program, I actually also started working with Maria on ACIM Practitioner Courses. I was really committed. I had two life coaching clients, two POL courses, and my life coach training program, as well as my daily responsibilities and my 40-hour-a-week day job.
I was getting a little burnt out, but I still believed that this is what Spirit wanted me to do, and I kept doing it. Somehow, I’d stepped back into associating my value and my success with these outer things—becoming a minister, being a life coach, getting clients. I’d forgotten my true value, and was caught up in trying to prove my value to others out there.
But when I actually read through my POL courses and got really clear on what they were saying, I realized that what I was doing was NOT what they were advocating. They did not advocate pushing and forcing and trying to make things happen. They did not advocate blindly running forward. These courses were telling me that my job was just to connect to Spirit and to rest. It taught me that the success of my clients or students does not indicate my value. It taught me that I can show up with patience and love, that I do not need to force anyone to move faster than they’re ready. It taught me that I don’t need to work myself to the bone, that the clients that are right for me will come forward at the right time. It reminded me that Spirit knows best, and is leading me always.
It has taken trust to stop moving forward in the way my ego wanted me to, and to slow down. Through my work with Pathways of Light, I’ve realized that becoming a minister IS NOT about making things better “out there.” It’s not about making peoples’ lives better, gaining success, and making tons of money. It is about healing my mind, and I do that by listening to Spirit. By choosing peace. By not manipulating my circumstances. By trusting that all things are perfectly planned by Him.
I trust that the different things I’ve gone through as I pursued my OMC were all perfect. Spirit was and is showing me what I truly want, which is the peace of God. I thought my life coaching and ministerial work would give me money and success, and I believed I wanted that. But I’ve found that what I really want is peace. And I could only find that out by getting really attached to the results and believing that what I actually wanted was success and recognition out there as a life coach and minister.
This ministerial program started as something I did just for myself, it transitioned into something I felt I was doing for others, and now it has become something beyond that. As I stop investing in the ego, in “making peoples’ lives better,” I connect to authentic healing. Spirit heals my mind, and as my mind is healed, so are others’ minds healed.
I say that I view becoming an Ordained Ministerial Counselor as a symbol of my trust in Holy Spirit because I have finally realized that this program isn’t about trusting the Holy Spirit sometimes, and trusting in my ego other times. It’s trusting in Holy Spirit all the time, in all things. It’s not a “job” or a “function” that I can pick up and put down when I please; this is a new way of living. It’s not about me “showing people the way.” It’s not about trying to prove my value out there. It’s about connecting with Spirit. It’s about showing up, no matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing, as a minister and teacher of God, as one who is listening and choosing peace.
Becoming an OMC is a symbol for me of my deep trust in Spirit and in this new way of living. It is symbolic of my choice for Holy Spirit, and the happy dream. I am deeply honored for the chance to go through POL courses and join the brother- and sisterhood of Pathways of Light OMCs—a team of people who really practice trusting in Holy Spirit and are healing their minds with forgiveness and love.
Pathways of Light, thank you so much for this opportunity.