Do you have a Know-It-All in your life?
Those wonderful people that can lecture you for hours on how to do and fix everything in your life, and conveniently turn deaf whenever you open your mouth.
And while I think getting advice, giving advice, and bouncing ideas off of people is always helpful, these people take advice-giving to the extreme. Really, you’re just sort of an excuse for them to talk.
Plus, their solutions usually leave you more frustrated than you were before. You find yourself completely unsure as to how exactly you feel and what exactly you feel you should do. You start questioning things that were already decided and feeling scared or worried about something that previously wasn’t an issue.
So what do we do with these people? Do you have to cut them out of your life? Some of the biggest Know-It-Alls in our lives may be our best friends, our spouses, and our family. Maybe it’s not an option to cut them out or to tell them to shut up.
After a particularly frustrating incident with one of the K.I.A.s in my life, I decided to ask Spirit what the heck was going on. Why were all these people showing up and totally cramping my style? How was I supposed to deal with the barrage of advice that was wearing me down to a nub?
And I realized something totally embarrassing.
I was a Know-It-All too.
I too wasn’t taking time to listen to others. I was always thinking about what I was going to say to solve their problems. I was taking on the role of “fixer” when they didn’t ask me to take on that role.
I realized that when I take on the role of fixer, that implies that the person I’m talking to is a “fixer-upper.” They are something that needs work, that needs help, that is, in some way, shape, or form, wrong.
I also found that my Know-It-All side comes out when I feel like I have to impress others. I need to show them that I am capable, that I know what’s going on, that I know how to solve all my problems and everyone else’s, too.
It is coming from my own insecurities.
It’s coming from my belief that I am a fixer-upper, and that I have to hide this by instead being a fixer.
It’s coming from my unwillingness to say, wow, I don’t know why this or that is happening. I don’t know why I feel like crap today. I don’t know how to solve this problem.
My unwillingness to say hey, guys! I’m messy, I’m vulnerable! I don’t have all the answers!
What is so wrong with that? Why does that imply that we are wrong and stupid?
The answer is, it doesn’t. Our culture may place a heavy emphasis on knowing everything, always knowing how to fix your and everyone else’s problems, but the truth is that not knowing doesn’t make us bad.
It’s just something we don’t like because it’s uncomfortable not to know.
It takes courage not to know.
It takes courage to allow things to unfold, to wait and see.
It takes courage also to take the advice, to try something out, to try someone else’s way. It takes courage to say, wow they were right, and I was wrong.
It takes courage to say, wow, they were wrong, and I was right.
It takes courage to listen to our inner guidance.
Allowing ourselves to not know is how we open up to inner guidance, because we’re willing to allow in a new way of looking at our lives.
In ACIM, Jesus says, “Yet the essential thing is learning that you do not know.” T-14.XI.1:1