Holy Spirit has given me two messages in the past two days that LIT ME UP. They both basically say the same thing, but they came to me from two different sources, as if He’s corroborating His idea. But I feel that this is the truth for everyone, everywhere. This is what’s real. It doesn’t come from people who only fit certain categories.
The first message came from Roxane Gay’s Bad Feminist, where Roxane writes: “I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I’m not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I am not trying to say I’m right. I am just trying” (xi). A few pages later, she writes, “I’m trying to lead, in a small, imperfect way. I am raising my voice as a bad feminist” (xiv).
The second came from one of Glennon Doyle Melton’s early blog posts, where she writes: “I am a crappy Christian, which I’m pretty sure is the only honest kind. Nonetheless, I’m deeply in love with Jesus, and I think he’s wild about my crazy self too.”
These two quotes show that no matter what passion/role/religion/movement/cause you identify with, you can pretend or you can be honest.
Throughout my life, I’ve gone with pretending. It’s been important to keep up a veneer of who I am, how intelligent I am, how hardworking I am, how good I am. Whether it’s at school, work, or in my ACIM practice, I’ve wanted to be good.
“Being good,” as the two quotes above show, doesn’t equate to “good practice.” To practicing fully and deeply. It doesn’t suggest connection and intimacy at the deepest level. It brings to mind a statue on a pedestal. Roxane writes, “People who are placed on pedestals are expected to pose, perfectly. Then they get knocked off when they fuck it up” (xi).
Being afraid of getting knocked off the pedestal robs me of my true practice of the Course. It takes away my opportunities to deepen my relationship with Holy Spirit, my inner guidance, my inner self, the LOVE within me.
So I declare myself a bad A Course in Miracles student.
I am willing to mess up if it means I get to experience the truth. I am willing to step off the pedestal if it means that I get to experience the true Love that is within me.
It’s so funny, because when I started practicing ACIM, I thought I knew what good students looked like and what bad students looked like. Then, I realized the Course says not to judge and I was judging, so I pushed that thought away…and I postponed my healing some more.
But this is the lesson: judgment postpones my healing.
That’s why these two kickass quotes spoke to me. They are dropping judgment–of others AND themselves–in favor of authenticity. In favor of really practicing, examining, feeling. In favor of diving into a relationship with the real Self.
Are you ready to be a bad ACIM student? Holy Spirit inside you is like YES YES YES! He wants your messy, icky self. He wants it all and he wants to heal it, transform it, miraclize it with you.
Knock yourself off the pedastal and get your healing on!
The escape from darkness involves two stages: First, the recognition that darkness cannot hide. This step usually entails fear. Second, the recognition that there is nothing you want to hide, even if you could. This step brings escape from fear. When you have become willing to hide nothing, you will not only be willing to enter into communion but will also understand peace and joy. T-1.IV.1:1-5