So I was going to write a totally different post this week, about how we shouldn’t take everything so seriously. But I realized that I have been taking things super seriously. I have been totally lost in the weeds of my ego, of my worries. Because, guess what? This life, these worries…they still feel really real to me.
I’m doing a course through Pathways of Light titled Remember to Choose Peace. I couldn’t be doing it at a better time, as right now it seems like I can do anything but choose peace.
Choosing peace means letting go of all these small things—deadlines, to-do lists, worries about weight (yes, even with my powerful declaration on Kind Over Matter that my body and my upper arms are perfect, this worry came back full force this weekend. #iamhuman), spending money on the wedding. And letting go seems hard because when I do that, I’m telling the ego (the small self) that I recognize that these worries are an illusion.
Recognizing that these worries aren’t real and that I don’t have to choose them is hard because the ego—who I still identify with most of the time—loves these worries. They’re its safety devices. Did you ever notice how once you start worrying about one thing, you begin to worry about everything in your life? Worry after worry pops up in the mind until they crowd you in. This happens because the ego doesn’t want you to realize that you have a choice for peace, to see your life differently.
This was what was happening to me. I felt completely blocked in. And yet, I was trying to cover up all these worries and anxieties by forcing myself to choose peace. I was putting on a brave face, and shoving my feelings down, which NEVER helps, but really only makes things worse. I basically didn’t want to feel my feelings. I didn’t want to experience anxiety.
I asked my gorgeous facilitator Maria for help on this. How can I deal with feelings?? How should I proceed, especially when I’m doing a course about choosing peace?! Should I still feel my feelings, or if I should just try to stay committed to choosing peace only? And she told me something that blew my mind: